Ample Insanity

“BEAUTIFULLY BROKEN”

The streets were quiet
No words were spoken.
You just laid there.
Shattered, beautifully broken.

No one could even breathe,
When you sauntered off into the sunset,
Repeating, over and over in your head,
The exquistely painful words, you can never forget.

“I don’t love you anymore,
You’re all bent and broken.”
And the way you felt at that moment,
No truer words were ever spoken.

Days, months, and years have passed,
And now you’ve come to me.
Wanting acceptance, hope, and love.
Expecting the World from me.

Although, it is the World I want to give,
I want nothing left unspoken.
So know, I also need these things from you
Because I too, am beautifully broken.

You are accepted. You are accepted, accepted by that which is greater than you, and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask for the name now; perhaps you will find it later. Do not try to do anything now; perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek for anything; do not perform anything; do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted!” If that happens to us, we experience grace After such an experience we may not be better than before, and we may not believe more than before. But everything is transformed. In that moment, grace conquers sin, and reconciliation bridges the gulf of estrangement. And nothing is demanded of this experience, no religious or moral or intellectual presupposition, nothing but acceptance.

How often do you truly celebrate who you are? Because many of us, myself included, spend so much time and energy focused on what we think is “wrong” with us, celebrating ourselves doesn’t often come that easy.

For me, I’ve spent much of my life—as a student, an athlete, in business, in relationships and in general—demanding perfection of myself and, of course, falling short and feeling inadequate on a regular basis. Most people I know and work with have some version of “I’m not good enough” that runs their life. Even though many of us understand this, living our lives from a true place of self-acceptance, self-appreciation and self-love is often much easier said than done.

The ultimate goal of being ourselves in an authentic way is actually about loving ourselves in a generous way. If we truly love ourselves, most of what we worry about and even much of what we strive for in life becomes meaningless. We may still have some worries, and we’ll definitely continue to have goals, dreams and desires. However, from a place of true self-appreciation and self-love, the fear behind our worries and the motivation for our goals dramatically changes from something we have to avoid or produce in order to be accepted and valued, to something we we’re genuinely concerned about or really want to accomplish.

On the flip side, if we don’t love ourselves, nothing much really matters. No matter what we conquer, create or experience, we’re never able to appreciate it or ourselves or be fulfilled in the process, because we’re constantly striving to be validated in an insatiable way.

Self-love is what we’re all searching for. Sadly, we spend most of our lives thinking that someone or something else can give us what only we can give ourselves. To be truly fulfilled in life, we have to find that love within us and give it to ourselves. No other person, amount of money, material possession or accomplishment can do it. It’s up to us. We have an opportunity to celebrate who we are for any reason and at any time.

Write a love letter to yourself.

Celebrate You!

In every season comes a time for reflection. This reflection isn’t as bittersweet as the others; this comes anxiously awaiting future happenings.  My wings have gone beyond clipped here; the edges have been singed and are seeking regrowth from the charred fringe that remains.

I’m not sorry I chose to come here, but I cannot wait to leave. It has been a learning experience- one I’ll be glad to shed this skin for and move on. This town is poisonous, leeching everything into the dry, desolate countryside that is omnipresent here. The mountain cedar is the only thing that can keep its scraggly, starved limbs alive among the fluctuating temperatures in this miniature frozen desert.

The people are good, well intentioned. But their will is empty and the town in frozen many years before the current age. There is no lifeblood in this city, nothing runs in its veins. Every town has a unique signature- this one is vacant. I need something to thrive on.

Smoked Salmon Chowder

1 c. leeks, diced

1 T. garlic, minced

½ t. dried dill weed

1 T. olive oil

2 c. red potatoes, diced

2 T. all purpose flour

2 c. chicken broth

2 T. capers with brine

1 T. fresh lemon juice

2 c. whole milk

½ c. heavy cream

2 T. fresh chopped dill

4 oz cold smoked salmon

1. Sweat leeks, garlic, dried dill and oil in a large pot until soft, about 5 minutes. Stir in potatoes and flour, cook 1 minute more.
2. Add broth, capers, lemon juice and stir until smooth. Simmer until potatoes are tenders, about 15 minutes then reduce heat to low.  Add milk, cream, dill and salmon. Season with salt and pepper and heat through until warm. Do not boil!

Makes: 6 cups

291 cal/17g fat/24g carb/424 mg sodium/2g fiber/12g protein

Adapted from the Food Network

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 large Spanish onion, diced
• 4 cloves garlic, smashed
• 8 ounces Spanish chorizo, casings removed, sliced
• 2 teaspoons paprika (hot or sweet)
• Kosher salt
• 1 cup canned whole plum tomatoes, roughly chopped, plus 1/2 cup juice from the can
• 2 bay leaves
• 1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
• 1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1 pound russet potatoes, peeled and cut into 1-inch chunks
• 1 bunch kale, stems removed and leaves roughly chopped
• 1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined

Directions

Heat the olive oil in a small Dutch oven over medium heat. Add the onion and garlic and cook until golden brown, about 15 minutes. Add the chorizo, paprika and 1 teaspoon salt and cook until the oil turns deep red, about 2 minutes. Add the chopped tomatoes (reserve the juice), the bay leaves, thyme and oregano and cook 1 more minute.

Add the potatoes, 2 cups water, the tomato juice and 1 teaspoon salt. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat, cover and simmer until the potatoes are almost tender, about 15 minutes. Add the kale and cook until the potatoes and kale are tender, about 10 more minutes. Stir in the shrimp and simmer just until they curl and turn pink, about 3 minutes. Discard the bay leaves. Ladle the stew into bowls.

Per serving: Calories 576; Fat 27 g (Saturated 7 g); Cholesterol 246 mg; Sodium 1,652 mg; Carbohydrate 46 g; Fiber 6 g; Protein 38 g

Portobello Paprikash over Wilted Spinach

1 c. plain greek yogurt

½ c. evaporated milk

2 t. Dijon mustard

5t. garlic oil, divided

1 t. smoked paprika

1 lb. Portobello mushroom caps, sliced

2 c. chopped onions

10 oz. (12 cups) baby spinach leaves

1. Whisk together yogurt, evaporated milk and mustard in a bowl. Set aside.
2. Heat 3 t. garlic oil and paprika in a skillet over medium high heat. Add mushrooms and onions, sauté 12 minutes. Add the mustard mixture to mushrooms and heat until warmed through.
3. Heat remaining 2 t. garlic oil in a separate skillet over med-high heat. Add spinach in batches and cook 2-4 minutes or until spinach is wilted and bright green. Season with salt and pepper, if desired. Divide spinach among plates and top with mushroom mixture.

Serves: 4

198 cal/11g protein/8g fat/25g carb/230mg sodium/6g fiber

As Joe would tell it, I was off like a lightning bolt to the opposite end of the store to save the day by mysteriously discovering alligator. This is what we found to do with it:

INGREDIENTS:

1 1/4 pound alligator meat, boned
1/2 cup vegetable oil
3 large onions, peeled and sliced
3 large ripe tomatoes
OR
1 can tomatoes, peeled and sliced
2 habanero chiles, seeded and chopped
1 heaping tablespoon crushed garlic
1 heaping tablespoon fresh crushed ginger
2 1/2 tablespoons ground coriander
1 1/2 tablespoon cumin powder
2 tablespoons curry powder
3 cubes beef stock
1 tablespoon sugar
1 tablespoon lime juice
salt
3 tablespoons chopped cilantro

PREPARATION:

Crab Rangoon from the Chinese restaurant down the street? Never again after you’ve tasted this!

Shrimp Rangoon

2 T. chopped fresh cilantro

2 T. scallions, chopped

2 t. fresh ginger, chopped

1 t. sugar

1 pkg cream cheese (8 oz)

2 t. fresh lime juice

¾ # cooked shrimp, peeled, deveined and diced

30 wonton wrappers

1. Pulse cilantro, scallions, ginger and sugar in a food processor until minced. Add cream cheese, lime juice and salt, pulse until combined. Transfer to a bowl and stir in shrimp.
2. Arrange a few wonton wrappers on work surface. Place 2 t. shrimp mixture in each wrapper, moisten with water and fold to form a triangle, sealing well at the edges. Repeat with rest.
3. Heat 1” oil in a skillet over med-high heat. Fry Rangoon in batches, about 1 min on each side until golden brown. Drain on paper towel lined plate. Serve hot with dipping sauce of your choice.

Makes: 30

111 cal-ea/8g fat/5g carb/85mg sodium/4g protein

Curried Potato and Pea Samosas

½# Yukon Gold potatoes, diced

¾ c. water

½ c. onion, diced

1 T. garlic, minced

2 T. butter

2 T. curry powder

½ c. veg or chicken broth

½ c. frozen peas

Juice of ½ lime

Salt to taste

1 (14oz) pkg purchased pie dough

Preheat oven to 450* and line a baking sheet with parchment

Cook potatoes in salted water in a large sauté pan, covered, over medium heat until tender, about 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Drain, set aside and return pan to burner.

Saute onion and garlic in butter over medium heat until softened, stir in curry powder and cook another 30 seconds.

Deglaze with broth, then add peas and reserved potatoes; bring to a boil. Cook 1 minute, add lime juice, and season with salt, cool slightly.

To assemble, unroll pie dough and cut each round into quarters. Spoon ½ c. curry mixture into center of 4 quarters and top with remaining dough pieces. Seal samosas with fingers, crimp with a fork and carefully transfer to baking sheet. Bake until golden, about 15 minutes.

Serves: 4

612 cal/34g fat/70g carb/473mg sodium/3g fiber/7g protein